Loaf Actually

🍞

Loaf, Actually

LOAF ACTUALLY ❤️

A romantic mini loaf with oaty heart, nutty charm, and cinnamon warmth —

Baked at home. Eaten in Vanilla. Loved forever.

Loaf #003 in the Bread Odyssey Series

By John Nickolls | Campervan Casanova | Defender of Dough

💘 A Love Letter to Loaf

They say you never forget your first love.

But I say: you never forget the first loaf that made you feel something.

This isn’t just a recipe.

It’s a story of oats, hazelnuts, cinnamon, and yearning.

It’s baked with warmth, cooled with care, and eaten in Vanilla with the kind of passion usually reserved for rom-com montages and good cheese toasties.

This is Loaf, Actually.

And yes — I fell for it. Hard.

🛒 Ingredients – Lovers United by Oats (with Costs)

Ingredient

Quantity

Approx Cost

Strong bread flour

180g

£0.22

Rolled oats

80g

£0.08

Chopped hazelnuts

40g

£0.60

Chia seeds

1 tbsp (~10g)

£0.12

Cinnamon

½ tsp

£0.03

Salt

½ tsp

<£0.01

Fast-action yeast

¾ tsp

£0.08

Warm water

140ml

Free (or £0.001 if you’re a spreadsheet nerd)

Natural yoghurt

2 tbsp (~30g)

£0.06

Runny honey

2½ tbsp

£0.25

Olive oil or butter

1 tbsp

£0.10

💸 Total Cost: approx £1.64

📦 Servings: ~8 thick slices

🍞 Cost per slice: ~20p, or priceless if served in Vanilla with mood lighting.

🥣 Instructions – Scene by Scene

🎬 Scene One: The Meeting

Add the following to your breadmaker pan in this order:

1. Wet ingredients: water, yoghurt, honey, oil

2. Dry ingredients: flour, oats, cinnamon, chia seeds, salt

3. Yeast: make a little well in the top and drop it in gently, like placing a love letter on a pillow

🎬 Scene Two: The Twist

If you’ve got a nut dispenser: add your chopped hazelnuts now.

If not, wait for the machine’s beep (usually around 25 mins in) and drop them in like a dramatic plot twist. Whisper “I loaf you” for full effect.

🎬 Scene Three: The Slow Burn

• Program: Whole Wheat or Basic

• Size: Small (450g)

• Crust: Medium or Dark (Dark if you’re a toast fan or a brooding poet)

Sit back. Let the machine do its thing. Watch the rise. Smell the cinnamon. Fall in love.

🎬 Scene Four: The Grand Finale

Before baking starts, open the lid and scatter a few oats and chia seeds on top — this is the loaf’s wedding outfit. Optional veil not included.

🍽️ How to Serve a Star

The Rom-Com Classic

Warm, buttered, eaten while watching Love Actually for the fiftieth time.

The Nix Deluxe

Toasted, with almond butter and banana, served in Vanilla with smooth jazz and a smug grin.

The Cheesy Ending

Cold slice, thick cheddar, caramelised onion chutney, and a view of Cannock Chase. Perfection.

The Morning After

Sliced, egg-soaked, fried, topped with maple syrup and a touch of regret. Ideal with strong coffee.

🧡 Final Thoughts from a Loaf Devotee

Loaf, Actually is:

✔️ Soft, sweet, and oaty

✔️ Packed with crunch, warmth, and emotional depth

✔️ Low-cost, high-reward

✔️ Baked at home, but best eaten in Vanilla, with messy hair and no socks

It’s a love letter to simplicity.

A reminder that life is better with bread — and even better in a van.

You don’t need a bakery.

You don’t need fancy gadgets.

You just need a breadmaker, a good playlist, and a heart open to carbs.

📸 Share Your Slice

Made your own Loaf, Actually?

Tag me on Instagram @johnnickolls or post with:

#LoafActually #BreadWithFeelings #BakedInVanilla #NixShotsAndSlices

Let’s start a movement. A bread-based rom-com revolution.

✍️ A Poem for the Loaf

“Loaf, My Love”

By John Nickolls, 61¾. Oat whisperer. Butter enthusiast.

Oh loaf of mine, so warm, so sweet,

With oaty charm and hazelnut heat.

You rose from humble yeast and goo,

And now I can’t stop loving you.

You didn’t ask for fancy praise,

Just cinnamon and quiet days.

But in your crust I saw the light,

Golden, toasty, crisp — just right.

Your heart is soft, your crumb is kind,

A better bake I’ll never find.

With yoghurt soul and honeyed tone,

You’ve made this campervan a home.

I’ve sliced you thick, I’ve toasted bold,

I’ve wrapped you warm in foil of gold.

You travelled far in glovebox space —

From Stafford layby to Lizard’s face.

Not all heroes wear a cape,

Some come shaped in perfect bake.

So here’s my vow, you golden dream:

Forever, you’re my carb routine.

🚐 Loaf, Actually – The Short Summary

🏠 Baked at home.

🛻 Eaten in Vanilla.

💛 Loved forever.