Crimson Apocalypse: Atomic Edition
- John Nickolls
- Jun 7
- 4 min read
Let’s face it — good health isn’t free. But the Crimson Apocalypse is surprisingly affordable considering it tastes like superhero serum and might extend your life by at least one Tuesday. Here’s a rough cost estimate based on UK supermarket prices (circa mid-2025):
Ingredient | Weight (g) | Approx. Cost | Notes |
Beetroot | 150g | £0.45 | Fresh, raw, loose – cheaper than therapy |
Carrot | 150g | £0.25 | Dirt cheap and annoyingly healthy |
Apple | 150g | £0.45 | Mid-range eating apple like Gala or Braeburn |
Ginger | 150g | £0.90 | Fresh root, spicy price for spicy zing |
Whole Lemon | 80g | £0.35 | Whole, including trauma-inducing rind |
Fresh Spinach | 20g | £0.20 | From a big bag, which you’ll forget in 3 days |
Chilli Flakes | 1g | £0.05 | A pinch from a lifetime supply |
Orange Juice | 299g | £0.45 | Not from concentrate, you have standards |
🧾 Total Estimated Cost for 1 Litre: £3.10
That’s 31p per 100ml shot, or roughly the price of one sad banana at a train station — except this comes with antioxidants, bragging rights, and the power to feel like you could arm wrestle a thunderstorm.
Want it cheaper? Grow your own beets and carrots in your garden, forage for apples, and barter chilli flakes from the neighbours in exchange for drone footage.
🧨 Crimson Apocalypse: Atomic Edition
“Because your immune system deserves a glorious slap in the face.”
Welcome, juice lovers and reckless vitamin seekers, to the dawn of Crimson Apocalypse: Atomic Edition — a 1-litre megajuice so potent, so unreasonably intense, that it’s been whispered about in turmeric circles, feared in CrossFit boxes, and legally classified in Belgium as a low-grade energy weapon.
This is no ordinary health shot. This is a juice that walks into your bloodstream wearing combat boots. It doesn’t politely knock on the door of your digestive system — it kicks it off the hinges, high-fives your liver, and dropkicks a cold virus into next week. It’s the juice you drink when you’ve had enough of playing it safe. It’s health with attitude. It’s wellness with a wild side. It’s your 5-a-day delivered like a fruit and veg rave in a bottle.
Gone are the days of sipping a thimble of juice that tastes like someone waved a carrot over tap water. This shot contains actual vegetables, real citrus flesh, green stuff that does things, and enough ginger and chilli to make your teeth sweat and your neighbours concerned. And yes — we threw in a whole lemon, rind, pips, pulp and existential crisis included — because you deserve nothing less than a full-frontal fruit assault with bonus vitamin C-based trauma.
🍹 The Full Recipe (By Weight)
Ingredient | Weight (g) | Description |
Beetroot | 150g | Earthy, sweet, vaguely gothic |
Carrot | 150g | Orange crunch missiles of beta-carotene goodness |
Apple | 150g | Crisp sweetness to prevent a mutiny among the veg |
Ginger | 150g | Volcanic root fury |
Whole Lemon | 80g | Skin, pips, pulp – the citrus chaos element |
Fresh Spinach | 20g | Iron-packed green virtue |
Chilli Flakes | 1g | Tiny but terrifying |
Orange Juice | 299g | The citrus diplomat holding this madness together |
Yield: 1000g = 10 x 100g shots
🌀 How to Make It
Rough chop all solid ingredients. Especially the lemon — your blender will hold a grudge.
Add everything except orange juice into a high-speed blender.
Blitz until it looks like molten ruby soup.
Add orange juice and blend again until smooth and ready to vibrate through time.
Strain through a nut milk bag or muslin for a silky finish, or leave pulpy for bravery points.
Pour into 100ml glass bottles. Refrigerate. Shake well. Warn others.
🌱 Nutritional Benefits
Beetroot: Improves blood flow. Might cause sudden sprints or spontaneous dancing.
Carrot: Beta-carotene for skin glow and night vision (probably).
Apple: Antioxidants and fibre to keep the squad civil.
Ginger: Anti-inflammatory with a strong opinion.
Whole Lemon: Vitamin C, bioflavonoids, and mild citrus chaos.
Spinach: Iron, folate, and your daily dose of green smugness.
Chilli Flakes: Metabolism boost, plus the satisfaction of a spice-induced nose tingle.
Orange Juice: Vitamin C and potassium wrapped in sunshine.
🍏 5-a-Day Checklist
Ingredient Combo | Count |
Beetroot | 1 |
Carrot | 1 |
Apple | 1 |
Spinach | 1 |
Lemon + Orange Juice | 1 |
⚠️ Warning Label (Just In Case)
“Consume responsibly. Not suitable for the timid, those sensitive to flavour, or anyone called Colin.”
Side effects may include:
Sudden high energy
Unexpected yelling of “I FEEL ALIVE!”
Extra dramatic stair-climbing
Smugness around people drinking bottled water
🧃 Suggested Bottle Slogans
“Crimson Apocalypse – One Shot. One Tear. One Glory Moment.”
“The most powerful thing you can drink that’s still technically legal.”
“Five-a-day. One blast. Let chaos reign.”
“Drink it. Roar. Flex in your hallway.”
📸 Share the Chaos
Got your shot? Post it. Shake it. Slam it. Tag it #CrimsonApocalypse and join the elite squad of beet-stained superheroes.
🛒 Coming Soon: Bottled Nix Shots
If you’d rather avoid wielding a blender that smells like a compost pile during a lightning storm, fret not. A bottled version is on the way. Pre-chilled, pre-shaken, and possibly packaged with emergency tissues.
Sign up at johnsdrones.net to be notified the moment the apocalypse hits shelves.
Written by: John NickollsPart-time health guru. Full-time juice whisperer. Recovering beetroot enthusiast.
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